I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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