it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
