Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Where is the hickey?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
