You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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