he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
