just come out here and I will go home with you...
Its about making memories worth repressing
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
