I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Randomize
