Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
