I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Randomize
