he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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