Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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