dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
