I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Randomize
