in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
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