I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
