and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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