Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
