your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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