I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
