I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I cut my penus on the lid.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
