I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
