I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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