And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Duck Duck Cougar?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
