i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
