dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
