Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
