So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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