Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
