I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
