like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
