Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
