I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
