i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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