I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
