wanna go halves on a baby?
I think my vagina is haunted
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
