He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My feet surprised me
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