I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
