Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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