fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
