my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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