Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
