I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Randomize
