My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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