So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
