please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
