Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
