they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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