I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
