I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You pole danced in your parka.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
