All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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