I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm eating all of the evidence.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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